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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29037990">Benrey's 20 Year Wait</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neils_Pen_To_Paper/pseuds/Neils_Pen_To_Paper'>Neils_Pen_To_Paper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom, half life vr ai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alien Courting, Angst with a Happy Ending, But is it though?, Denial of Feelings, Diary/Journal, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lots of Crying, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Persons, Not A Game AU, Panic Attacks, Reunions, Stream of Consciousness, Unrequited Crush, everyone but gordon and benrey is mentioned in passing (chapter one), like holy shit are you okay gordon, no beta we die like coomer clones, no combine au, nobody is human (spoilers), non human gordon and joshua !!!!!, post ResCas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:07:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29037990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neils_Pen_To_Paper/pseuds/Neils_Pen_To_Paper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Soooo um. Guess this is a diary, for my eyes only. Tommy suggested it so I have something to do while he’s out doin’ “government men” shit. It’s whateves, I mean, Tommy’s got a job an’ all. Heir to the briefcase an’ all. Cryptic shit like that."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey &amp; Darnold (Half-Life), Benrey/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tw for missing persons</p><p>Inspired by me thinking, "hey in hl2 barney waits for 20 years. since benrey is barney's equivalent, what if they had to wait too." and also inspired by a post on tumblr from @/notnights (https://notnights.tumblr.com/post/641366267769552896)</p><p>Benrey- they/he<br/>Barney- He/they<br/>Bubby- xey/xem/xeir<br/>Coomer- he/she<br/>Tommy- he/him<br/>Darnold- he/she<br/>Sunkist- any<br/>Joshua- they/them<br/>Gordon/John/Basically everyone else- He/him<br/>Alyx/Lamarr- she/her<br/>Forzen- Forz/zen</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>April 20th, 2020. </p><p>Soooo um. Guess this is a diary, for my eyes only. Tommy suggested it so I have something to do while he’s out doin’ “government men” shit. It’s whateves, I mean, Tommy’s got a job an’ all. Heir to the briefcase an’ all. Cryptic shit like that. </p><p>Bummer that he can’t be here for when Feetman shows up. Like, he’s not been seen for like, what, a day. He’s a strong boy, he can handle himself. Bubby and Dr. Coomer don’t seem concerned, couldn’t get Tommy's word, an’ the rest of the science team are too busy makin’ a new place to live. I should help.</p><p> </p><p>April 22nd, 2020.</p><p>Been busy fighting these weird space people. Stupid things, I totally pwn them whenever they show up. Dr. Kleiner seems real worried about ‘em, but I’ll make sure they’re dealt with. I didn’t die so Xen wouldn’t take over Earth only for it to get yoinked by another alien race :/ </p><p>Oh fuck I just realized Dr. Kleiner and Bubby are practically twins. Is Kleiner or Bubby the prototype? Idk, I think Bubby’s better cause xey can like, set shit on fire? So it’s probably Kleiner haha.</p><p>Also there’s this weird fucking headcrab that keeps showing up. Nobody has the heart to kill it, apparently. It’s got a broken hind leg, so it won't survive for long.</p><p>Man, I miss Josh and Jefferem :( I haven't seen them since the ResCas.</p><p> </p><p>May 10th, 2020.</p><p>Holy shit have you fucking heard of BABIES? They’re miniature people, just like in video games. I can’t believe they made babies real. Some new dude named Dr. Eli brought a baby around. Her name is Alyx and she’s so small. Like she doesn’t even reach my knees. But that’s ‘cause she never stands up. Eli says she’s only one year old or so, but at one year I was already pupated and deadly. Fuckin’ Alyx can’t even lift her baby shit head. It’s whateves though, we’ve got her. No fuckin’ peeper puppies or cephelo-cows gonna hurt “a hair on her motherfucking head”, to quote Bubby.</p><p>Dr. Eli also brought Darnold and Forzen with him. Forzen was unconscious for a while, though forz is awake now. Forzen and I have been talking but we’re not very friendly right now. I’m still mad at zen joining the military, even though forz isn’t human. It was dangerous and stupid of zen.</p><p>Darnold is very cool and I like him a lot. He’s funny like Tommy but doesn’t have his cool powers, so there’s balance. Darnold lets me play games on his phone and 3ds whenever we have down time, so i like her a lot :)</p><p>We still haven’t seen Feetman in a while. Tommy says he hasn’t been able to find him on the job, either. G-man has been mia too.</p><p> </p><p>June 19th, 2020.</p><p>I don't like G-man too much. Like, yeah he’s Tommy’s dad, so I gotta have a small amount of respect for ‘em, but I’ll still hate his guts. He was creepin’ on Gordon ever since I first saw ‘m. That's mainly the reason I followed him, ‘cause I knew G-man is bad news when he latches onto a “pawn”, aka anyone besides himself.</p><p>Tommy’s been worried sick about him, though, so I have to like, at least try to be sad. </p><p>Um. we have 2 babies now. This cool dude on a motorcycle came into our settlement a few weeks back and he’s living with us now. He’s super cool and strong and the savour of humans! He’s called John, and he’s Gordon’s brother. Apparently he was looking for Gordon before he came upon us. He also has Joshua.</p><p>Joshua Freeman, the boy who I called a bit shit. He doesn’t look like shit, now that I seen him irl. He’s ‘round the age of Alyx, so like. Two tiny no-walk big-head handicap-enabled gamers on the team. Good thing we got, uh, like the best players in the game on the team.</p><p>Uh also Dr. Kleiner adopted that sad-looking headcrab. She’s still got her leg broken but it’s healing. Kleiner got her all de-beaked so she can’t make anyone into a “zombie”, as John calls them. That’s good, I think. Me, Forzen, and Barney can’t stand her though. She’s kinda cute, yeah, but she’s also kinda… just really pathetic. I mean that in the “injured prey- must kill” kinda way. ‘Least that’s for me, idk how Barn and Forzy feel about her. Don’t think Barney likes her much, she got him good on the cheek and gave him a nasty scar under his eye. Makes him look hella rugged and like a boss.</p><p>Man, Josh would totally swoon over Barn-boy, lolz. I hope he and Jefferem can find the White Forest (that’s what we named our settlement) okay.</p><p> </p><p>December 25th, 2020.</p><p>What the fuck is a “Jesus”.</p><p> </p><p>May 16th, 2021.</p><p>Combine gone. One year since the ResCas happened. No lingering effects have been found, ‘least on the “Xen monsters” part. The Vortigaunts have been accepted into our settlement ‘cause they’re p cool and chill. They’re really nice once you get past the language barrier. They’re cautious about me, but that’s fine. I mean, I was kinda the Nihilanth when on Xen. I like Uriah, but he hangs out with Magnusson, who isn’t a nice scientist that survived the rescas, like Kleiner and Eli.</p><p>Dr. Coomer got the internet fixed, so everyone can communicate online again! My edit to ‘All Dogs Go To Heaven 2’ was still on Wikipedia. I… edited it to say Gordon lived and came home safe and gave us all big hugs. I miss Gordon. </p><p>Joshua is starting to walk, and he’s kinda shit at it. John lets me hold him a lot more these days. I really hope Gordon’s okay. Nobody’s seen him in a year or so. </p><p> </p><p>March 27th, 2022</p><p>Holy shit Joshua 4 years old let’s get some “pogs in the chat”. ( I have no idea what a pog is, Bubby won't explain, even though xey started twitch streaming.) Do you think Gordon would be a twitch streamer? Justin.tv flopped, so I think he’d go that route.</p><p>Oh um, Forzen has started training our settlement of 100+ people in self-defence and shit. It’s always good to have them skillz. Gotta rank up that skill tree. </p><p> </p><p>April 13th, 2023</p><p>I went back to Black Mesa with Bubby. I found Josh and Jefferem. They never made it out of the rescas, I think. We salvaged and buried who and what we could, but it still hurt. </p><p>All those HEV suits on Xen are starting to make my hearts hurt.</p><p> </p><p>November 10th, 2025.</p><p>Where the hell is Gordon? Five years and no sight of him. I can’t even ask anyone about him, cause they’ve all stopped listening to me when I do. Joshua is talking, he really likes cowboys, but… He doesn’t remember Gordon. It makes me sick with sadness. </p><p>Barney shares my concern, but they don’t have time to listen to me vent ‘nd shit. Tommy has been looking for his dad, so I’m not bothering him. I miss having someone to play pranks on and tell jokes with. Darnold doesn’t let me play games with her anymore, he’s too wrapped up in her Evil Powerade experiments, and the 3ds broke ages ago. I wish I got the chance to bring my PSP or Switch with me when the ResCas happened. </p><p> </p><p>March 16th, 2030.</p><p>Lamarr is annoying. She acts like I’m her owner more so than Kleiner. Joshua (and Alyx) is growing and getting more ‘nd more independent each day. Joshie doesn’t like talking to me though. I think he finds me annoying because I ask about Gordon a lot. Like father like son, ig.</p><p>Gordon has been missing for so fucking long. I want him to come back. Ten years is too long to be angry with anyone. He has a lot to explain when he gets back. Not if, like everyone tells me. <b>When.</b> Barney says I should “give up the ghost” and admit he’s out of lives, but that’s bullshit! He’s gotta still be out there. Maybe he got yoinked by the Combine when nobody was looking. I didn’t see him after Tommy’s 37th birthday, so it… could’ve happened. Dr. Coomer says he talked to Gordon after the party while they all made their way to an intact part of the world, so… maybe not?</p><p>I feel like crying. The fact all the Vorties won't tell me if he’s alive or not hurts a lot. They’d know, ‘cause Gordon’s important to them, right? I don’t like Vortigaunts a whole lot anymore.</p><p> </p><p>April 19th, 2030.</p><p>Tommy found G-man. Apparently he got kidnapped by the Combine. Says Gordon wasn’t there. He understands that I still think Gordon’s out there, but he <em>fucking agrees</em> with everyone else.</p><p>Lamarr helps with my feelings sometimes. You’d think Sunkist would, but I can’t look at her without thinking about Gordon’s face, his laugh. So much for perfect. Lamarr is getting bigger than a normal headcrab, I think she might metamorphosize soon. I always did like the Gonarchs. </p><p> </p><p>March 16th, 2039.</p><p>Boo we hate this diary. I can’t even update this bitch regularly, too busy with raising a pack of Peeper Puppies and Antlions. We’ve been domesticating Antlions, it’s working pretty good. They’re like weird cows. I also got a job at the train station as a guard. Sometimes you gotta fall back on old habits, y’know. I wonder if I’ll run into anyone with a passport. Maybe… a certain someone without his..?</p><p>I… honestly can’t believe we’ve been without Gordon for 19 years. I don’t even see John or Josh or Alyx or Eli or <em> Darnold </em> anymore. Seems like the only person who hangs out with me is Barney. Clutch-mates for life, I guess. Or is it brothers? I’ve run out of shits to give.</p><p> </p><p>April 20th, 2040.</p><p>I’ve never felt such joy before in my life, the only rival to this feeling is the time I found out the Ps5 was still coming out after the ResCas.</p><p>I was at work, y’know, bein’ a guard for the trains and shit and WHO SHOWS UP, DICK OUT, PASSPORTLESS? Gordon Martinis Freeman, that’s fuckin’ who. I think I ran out of tears at some point. Gordon had been in some sort of other worldly, stasis thing. Like if you pressed pause on a human, but Gordon was aware the whole time. He’s moved on past my actions but hasn’t really forgiven me for what I did. I wouldn’t forgive me, either. Hopefully I can make it up to him.</p><p>G-man said he was “thrown into stasis too, due to him trying to meddle in his bosses affairs”. The fucker is also completely human now, thanks to his employers stripping ‘m of them and giving them to Tommy. Good for Tommy. </p><p>Gordon :) He’s pretty shaken up about losing 20 years and not gettin’ to see his son grow up. Joshua is starting to talk to me, now. I think I’ll start being less cagey and broody now. Yeah. Gordon’s back, that’s what matters. It’s okay he doesn’t have his passport, imo. All he needs is to do is be here. </p><p>:) </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gordon closed the diary’s cover with a deep, silent sigh. It was night, almost time for dinner. He was holed up in his closet like a teen with contraband. He did technically steal this, even if unknowingly. He thought it was a regular book. </p><p>“Fuck, man… I can’t believe he… he really held out hope for me, huh…” Something in his heart twisted. He traced the lines of the cover with a gloved fingertip. Even after all this time, Benrey held out hope for Gordon's return, huh... </p><p>“Knock knock Gordie, it’s din-din.” Came a voice from the door. Gordon jumped, peeking his head out from the folding closet door.</p><p>“O-oh, um, Benrey…” Gordon stood, the diary clasped in his hands. “I-I’m sorry, I found this and didn’t realize it was personal…” He held it out to the guard, nervous. </p><p>“Oh, it’s chill bro. You were like, afk for 20 years. It’s like the chat logs, y’can read it anytime you want.” Benrey gave Gordon a small smile. The odd flippy-twist came back, tenfold. “But it’s food time, not reading time. Kleiner made your favorite, or uh, an approximation. Chicken permission is hard to make without chickens.” </p><p>Gordon released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “A-alright, thanks man. Let’s go before Bubby eats it all.” He set the diary down on his bed before following Benrey to the stairs. </p><p>His neck gave a sudden twinge of pain. Fuck… 20 years in stasis will give you such a crick in the neck.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon Freeman was not one for going quietly into the night.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw for panic attacks<br/>Benrey- they/he<br/>Barney- He/they<br/>Bubby- xey/xem/xeir<br/>Coomer- he/she<br/>Tommy/Mr. Coolatta- he/they<br/>Darnold- he/she<br/>Sunkist- any<br/>Joshua- they/them<br/>Gordon/John/Basically everyone else- He/him</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon Freeman was not one for going quietly into the night.</p><p>However, he found himself trailing behind the rag-tag group as they started their way across the city, eyes growing heavy. He was exhausted, but nobody owned a car and Bubby didn’t feel like turning into one again. His body felt heavy, eyes drifting shut for longer and longer. He stopped walking, practically falling asleep on his feet. He swayed on his bone tired feet, yawns spilling from him like blood. He fell back onto his butt, head drooping not unlike a worn-out child. He didn’t hear any of the Science Team, but sleep called for him oh, so sweetly.</p><p> </p><p>He woke with a start. The world around him was black, not painfully so. He could feel his pulse rise and breathing get short, however, the painful memories of his hand- <em> his hand, ripped from him, the searing pain of knife and HEV suit shards digging into tender, bloody flesh- </em>racing across his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing deeply until he was calmer. The darkness still scared him. He wished he had a lamp.</p><p>With an odd clatter, a simple side table lamp appeared before him, illuminating the dark world like a beautiful fire. He crawled to it, seeing it ran on no cords or batteries. He didn’t give a shit, he just cuddled the thing like it was his own son. He looked around the void-like area and saw nobody. He wished he could. Nobody came. He looked at the lamp and sighed. </p><p>“... I wish I could shower and take a fucking yearlong nap.” He said to the lamp. With a strange pop that made his ears feel funky, a shower, HEV suit charging pod, and a soft looking bed appeared. Gordon stood. “So I can make objects but I can’t fucking see another living being?!” He shouted to no one. </p><p>No one responded. Taking a deep breath, he walked- more like limped- over to the bed. He wished for a side table to set the lamp on, and one appeared. He started to think that sleeping and showering in the open like this wasn’t a good idea. Just because he couldn’t see anything didn’t mean nothing was out there, right..? So, he wished for a room, more specifically his apartment. The whole floor-plan of his apartment appeared, which made Gordon dizzy and his ears ring. He swayed and almost fell, but managed to catch himself. His closet was there, so hopefully his clothes were too. The HEV charging pod was set up in the corner, right next to his computer desk. It was decked out with high-tech gear that Gordon had always wanted but never could afford, complete with a cute cat-themed gamer chair. He wondered if the Internet still worked, wherever he was. </p><p>The HEV suit came off without problem. Gordon felt dread laying heavy on his tongue as he willed himself not to look at his arm. No matter how powerful Mr. Coolatta was, Gordon was certain his arm was still gone. He spared a quick glance. He then turned to it fully with wide, excited eyes. From half-up his forearm to his fingers was a super high-tech robotic arm, the handplate emblazoned with a lambda. The shallow grooves where metal didn’t touch faintly glowed orange- like veins. It didn’t freak him out as much as he thought it would. It actually felt… pretty cool! He moved his hand around, feeling that it was very responsive, almost better than his previous hand. Disantly he thought of Dr. Coomer’s Extendo-Arms, and how his hands… looked like his own does now. Sadness drummed in his chest as he remembered those arms saving him from cliffs and loving slaps to the back of the HEV suit. Dr Coomer was practically his father. He wanted his friends back.</p><p>The bathroom was warmed up, surprisingly, and he found the shower already going. Stripping himself of his grimey, gross clothes, he hesitantly stuck his robo-hand into the water stream. It glowed a dark blue as the water hit him, nothing being damaged or short-circuiting. He fully stepped in and began the process of removing the blood from his hands. Metaphorically, of course. No blood leaked in or out of the HEV suit, aside from the hole where his hand should’ve been. Sweat, grime, and other nasty afflictions were slowly but surely washed down the drain with sweet smelling soaps. By the time Gordon was finished, the water was still pleasantly warm. He stepped out and onto the bath mat, taking a towel from the rack on the wall. Everything was… ideal. If it weren’t for the fact Gordon woke up in darkness, he’d say he was still in Reality, the Science Team noticing his woes and dropping him off at home. </p><p>The Science Team never noticed his woes, Gordon bitterly thought. </p><p>His closet did have his clothes, so he swiftly changed into a comfortable set of pajamas. He climbed into his bed, snuggling up to the vast amount of pillows and stuffed animals. He was out like a light in a few moments. </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Routine became steady. Gordon would wake up, eat, shower every few days, then play video games until 9 pm. He’d eat at 3 pm sharp. The routine was one he had before Black Mesa, even before MIT. Being homeschooled had its perks. The games Gordon had were all he loved, Kanye &amp; Lynch 2: Dog Days and all. The Internet didn’t work for a long while, and when it did, Gordon couldn’t view most social medias. He mainly used it to pirate movies, talk to a therapist, and look up recipes. The food was easy to make, seeing as he could spawn anything with a wish. He really wanted someone to enjoy his food with, not even Joshua was here to complain about not being fed cashews on his Chicken Parmesan. God, Gordon loved Chicken Parm. </p><p>It felt like years had passed. He still woke up with nightmares, but the distance away from The Science Team made his heart yearn for them. He even wanted to see Benrey, if to break the monotony of the world. Benrey… Gordon didn’t want to forgive them, but the online therapist he had said he should work on moving past them… That didn’t mean fully forgiving him, right? Gordon frowned. They got his arm chopped off then ran around and said they were friends. But Gordon killed Benrey too, so… were they even? Was Benrey even alive? Something squirmed in his chest when he thought about Benrey, twisting over itself like a fucked up oroborus. He froze, hands stilling on the Switch controller, getting him killed in Splatoon 2. He remembered that feeling, it was the same one he felt when he met Joshua’s father. </p><p>Gordon <em> did </em> <b> <em>not</em> </b> love Benrey. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say. If Gordon was put in a room with Benrey, he was sure he’d blow a gasket and go back to playful homie-cide. He shook his head; no time for gay thoughts, Freeman! He had a splatfest to win.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gordon woke to a door slamming open. He ran to the front door, which was glowing white from where it was open. Mr. Coolatta was kneeling there, a scared look on his face. He looked worse for wear.</p><p>“M-mister… Free…Man?” He asked, tilting his head up. His eyes were fading from a piercing cyan to black.</p><p>“Mr. Coolatta? How the hell did you get here?” He helped the older man stand, moving him to the couch. He sat heavily and caught his breath, loudly wheezing.</p><p>“M-my p-past employers… sent me to. Find… You… and I had an… unfortunate bump in the road…” </p><p>“What does- what do you mean?” He asked, seeing the dried blood on his suit.</p><p>“I was… taken by mysterious and… alien forces. I’ve only re… cent… ly been rescued…” He said, eyes locking with the space over Gordon’s left shoulder. “A-and my powers… revoked. Tommy was- he… sssent me here.”</p><p>“That’s-… Are you okay?” He put his hand- his human hand- on the old man’s shoulder, to which they smiled.</p><p>“I-I could ask you the same… Mr. Freeman…” They gave his hand a gentle pat before speaking again. “Would you like to… return home, hmm?” Gordon’s eyes widened with excitement and a little fear.</p><p>“You have no fucking idea how ready I am.” The two stood.</p><p>“I-I recommend getting your… Hache Ee Vee suit… The world is… ‘a bit shit’, as it w-were…” Gordon almost laughed but it was taken over by a twinge of fright. </p><p>“Why, what’s- I do-”</p><p>“Just- Kleiner might want it back.” Mr. Coolatta quickly said, cutting Gordon off. </p><p>“He’s alive?” That drummed up the hope in Gordon’s chest again. He didn’t hear the reply as he dashed off like a child to go put on the orange suit. </p><p>“Ready, Mr. Freeman?” Mr. Coolatta asked, to which Gordon nodded.</p><p>They stepped into the glowing white door together.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The world was a bit shit. Gordon awoke on a train, pulling into a station. A loud voice announced he was entering “White Forest”. He got up, noticing Mr. Coolatta was nowhere to be seen. He walked out to the platform, finding it mostly empty. He walked around in a daze, hands finding their way to his hip, crowbar latched in place. He found two people standing by what he thought was the exit, laughing to each other. The one facing Gordon noticed him, paled, then told the other to turn around. When they did… Gordon almost collapsed. </p><p>Benrey. He went wide eyed and almost started sobbing right then and there. “G-Gordon? Gordon Freeman in the real?” They put their hands to their face and took a small step towards him. Gordon backed up and brandished his crowbar. Benrey’s face faltered at that, and he stepped back.</p><p>“B-Benrey- you- where the hell am I?” He instinctively shouted, pulse rising and body feeling electric.</p><p>“Buh- um. You’re at White Forest Train Station. Ssssomewhere in Russia. It’s okay, um, n-not gonna hurt you.” He put up his hands to show innocence. </p><p>“That- why am I in Russia?”</p><p>“Uh, well, when the ResCas ended, Tommy’s Dad accidentally brought us to a Chunky Cheaze in Russia an’ we couldn’t get back to America safely. So… Russia.” They shrugged. </p><p>“It’s Chuck E. Cheese, Benrey, an- and what do you mean ‘safely’, aren’t there-”</p><p>“Sea monsters kept eating ships, and flying monsters ate planes, so governments banned water and air travel. Xen monsters get crazy when feral.” </p><p>“... So are we like, is it safe?” Gordon increased his grip around his crowbar.</p><p>“BBBBBBBBBBuh of course. We got protection here, and um. We’re safe. <em> You </em> are safe.” </p><p>“... R-right. Uh… So, do you, is there anyway I can call Mr. Coolatta?” Benrey shrugged.</p><p>“I ain’t got my phone on me.” The other security guard lent Gordon her phone and he was swiftly picked up in a custom minions-themed minivan.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The world outside the station was a lot like before the Resonance Cascade, but Xenian fawna and flora mingled with Earth’s natural ones. Gordon was standing in front of a massive hotel that seemed to be renovated into housing. </p><p>“T-this is our stop, Mr. F-Freeman.” </p><p>“Thanks, Mr. Coolatta.” Gordon was tightly clenching his crowbar like a lifeline. Mr. Coolatta told him to stay put as he got The Science Team. He wondered if that meant Joshua was there, too. He hoped to whatever dead god there was that his little boy was safe. </p><p>The roar of a motorcycle broke Gordon out of his thoughts. He turned in time to see the sickest, most badass motorcycle pull up to a silver Caddy. Two people were on the ‘cycle, instantly running to Gordon once parked. The driver pulled off his helmet to reveal-</p><p>“GORDAN!!!” He was instantly tackled into a hug by his brother, John Freeman. </p><p>“J-John!” Gordon wrapped his arms around his brother as best he could, tears pricking his eyes.</p><p>“You’re okay! You’re alive!” John pulled back to rub at his eyes, sobbing freely. He looked a lot older, purple-brown hair streaked with grey.</p><p>“Of course I am, I couldn’t die without knowing you and Joshie were safe!” He sniffled, grin splitting his face. The door to the Hotel burst open with a loud bark, Sunkist Coolatta tackling Gordon to the floor. </p><p>“Ah! Sunkist, it’s been too long!” Gordon laughed, hands sinking into her fur like water.</p><p>“Mister Freeman, it’s so good to see you!” Sunkist got off of Gordon in time to see Tommy standing there, smile brighter than the sun. </p><p>“TOMMY!” Gordon instantly shot up and grabbed him into a hug, face in his chest. “Oh my god, Tommy, I missed you so much, bud!” he said, voice muffled.</p><p>“G-glad to see you haven’t changed, Mr. Freeman!” He laughed, hand patting Gordon’s head. Gordon pulled back and chuckled.</p><p>“Hello, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer said, appearing from behind Tommy.</p><p>“Mr. Coomer!” Gordon gave him a big hug, too, getting a bone-crushing hug back from his father-figure. “Oh, I missed you so bad…” </p><p>“I missed you too, Gordon! For two Play Coins, I can give you lore on what you missed!” She said, putting Gordon down. </p><p>“What took you so long, motherfucker!” Bubby shouted, concern etched on xeir face. Xey gave him a big hug as well.</p><p>“I-I-”</p><p>“Don’t answer that.” Xey whispered, knocking xeir forehead against Gordon’s. Gordon laughed, patting xem gently on the back. </p><p>“Missed you too, Bubby.” The swiftly growing crowd parted for someone who looked almost exactly like Bubby. Gordon almost shouted.</p><p>“Ah, Gordon! You’re finally home.” Dr. Kleiner said, arms open. Gordon wasted no time in hugging the old doctor, gentle and sobbing. Dr. Eli Vance stood off to Gordon’s side, silently patting his shoulder as the scientist weeped.</p><p>“Nice to see you’re doing good, Gordon.” Gordon looked over to see Darnold, holding Tommy’s hand and smiling wide.</p><p>“Darnold! You’re here too?”</p><p>“Of course, someone has to make the potions around here!” He joked.</p><p>“Obviously.” Gordon felt lighter than he had in months, joy filling him to the core.</p><p>Someone stood off to the side, motorcycle helmet still on. They didn’t get the warm welcome from Gordon, but the titular man didn’t notice as he was ushered into the home.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gordon was given a room of his own. It was just across from Joshua’s and right next to John’s, Tommy’s on his left. It had an HEV suit charging pod, but was barebones aside from that. It had its own bathroom, though. Gordon felt a small twinge of homesickness, already missing his Unreal apartment. He shook his head, hands twitching from where they were holding his crowbar. He just needed to sleep, he was too much in his head. </p><p>A loud, deep rumble came from outside. Gordon stiffened, going cold. It was probably nothing- <em> but what if it wasn’t? </em> He had nothing to fight with besides his crowbar, and whatever that was it was <em> big. </em> He took a step back, then another. He ended up in his closet, closing the folding door. His body shook and the HEV suit cheerfully announced stress levels rising, but did nothing about it. Thanks. He tried to regulate his breath as the loud roars stopped, lots of soft footsteps sounding from just outside his door a few minutes after. A knock came, polite and in the ‘shave-and-a-haircut’ rhythm. </p><p>“Doc, y’in there?” Someone Gordon barely remembered asked, muffled from the thick walls. Gordon stiffly stood and opened the door to Barney Calhoun’s smiling face.</p><p>“Hey- you- wait…” Gordon suddenly remembered running through the halls of Black Mesa, dodging laser beams. Barney was there too, looking like he does now. <em> What the fuck was that about? </em> He thought.</p><p>“Don’t recognize me, Doc? It’s me, Barney from Black Mesa!” They joyfully said, stepping back a little. Tommy was there, as well as someone with a motorcycle helmet on.</p><p>“I-I do remember you, Barn. It’s- I just… Remembered something <em> weird. </em>” He said, fingers drumming anxiously on the door. He looked to Tommy, who nodded but didn’t say anything.</p><p>“Oh.” Barney looked a little concerned. “W-well it’s good to see you, ‘gain! Ben- We- we’ve all been missin’ ya somethin’ fierce.” Gordon nodded.</p><p>“I could tell. How’s… What has the fallout of the Resonance Cascade been like?” Barney gave a sigh like he’d been punched. </p><p>“Comin’ out with the big guns, ey Gord’n?” He gave a little laugh. “It’s been… interesting. We’ve managed. Some things ain’t around anymore, but Xen’s got their own equivalents roamin’ ‘round ‘ere.” Barney crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “... D’ya know how long you’ve been gone, Doc?”</p><p>Gordon hummed in thought. “More than a month, at least. Maybe… two, three months?” Tommy and Barney frowned, while the mysterious figure gripped their shirt in worry.</p><p>“N-no, Mr. Freeman… You’ve been- it’s been twenty years since anyone’s seen you last.” Tommy said, voice teetering on crying. Gordon felt cold and hot at the same time.</p><p>“T-twenty years?!” Tommy gave a sage nod. </p><p>“Yeah. Everyone- m-most everyone thought you were dead.”</p><p>“But- I’m just fine? I-I <em> was </em> in this… weird black void for a while, before Mr. Coolatta found me,” Gordon frowned, “but it- it seriously can’t be <em> twenty </em> years since I’ve been gone, right?” Tommy shook his head, rubbing his hands nervously.</p><p>“L-look at me, Mr. Freeman. Don’t I look a little, um… different?” Gordon narrowed his eyes, scanning Tommy over. He had wrinkles, deeper eyebags, and his hair was bordering on salt-and-pepper. </p><p>“... You do look older…” He numbly said. “But- Do <em> I </em> look any different?”</p><p>“No Mr. Freeman! You look just like you did before Black Mesa! Like- just like a 40 year old with a major case of baby face! :)” Tommy grinned wide, getting Barney to cough out a laugh. </p><p>“Well, I wouldn’t say that, Tom. He’s got the face of a 30 year old who hasn’t slept in a year.” Barney said. </p><p>“Gee, really feeling the love here, guys.” Gordon rolled his eyes, voice dripping with snark.</p><p> </p><p>“You look just like me.” Someone behind Barney said. Barney and Tommy moved, giving the person space. They seemed to be the same height as Gordon. They shyly removed their helmet, brown curly hair sticking up as they shook it out. Green eyes met brown ones as Gordon stared at what felt like a mirror, beard and all.</p><p>“You’re…” Gordon reached out his hands, gently cusping them on the boy’s face. </p><p>“Mist- uh, Mr. Freeman, this is Joshua.” Tommy said, but Gordon could barely hear him over the roar in his ears. His son was okay, and he was standing right in front of him.</p><p>“Josh…” He pulled his son in for a deep hug, Joshua instantly hugging tight and not letting go. Tommy and Barney decided to give them space, leaving the father and child to reunite in peace.</p><p>“Fuck, Josh… I missed you so much!” Gordon was shaking, arms tight around his son’s shoulders. Joshua gave a shaky laugh, thick with tears.</p><p>“I-I always dreamed of this moment… Finally getting to meet you.” Josh buried their face in the collar of the HEV suit.<em> “I love you, dad.” </em> They said, voice barely over a whisper. Gordon squeezed them tighter and sobbed out a laugh.</p><p><em> “Love you too, Cowboy.” </em> He gave Josh’s temple a kiss, glasses digging uncomfortably into his nose and face. But, he couldn’t care less. Josh was putting up with the sharp edges of the HEV suit, and showed no signs of letting go. “I missed you so much.” </p><p>“You missed me..?” Josh pulled back, whipping away their tears. </p><p>“How couldn’t I? You were always on my mind during the ResCas. I couldn’t wait to get home to make sure you were safe…” he said.</p><p>“... Can we sit..?” They gestured to Gordon’s bed, to which he nodded.</p><p>“Y-yeah-” Gordon moved to let Josh move past him. Josh quickly scrambled to the bed, wrapping the only pillow in a tight hug. Gordon closed the door behind him with a frown.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up, Cowboy..?” Gordon asked, sitting besides them. They drew in a shaky breath.</p><p>“I never really remembered you as a kid…” Josh mumbled. “It always made me feel… funny. In a bad way.” They gripped their shirt and twisted it. “I-I got fed up with everyone asking me what you were like pretty quick. Soon enough nobody talked about you unless it was a story.” Josh shook their head. “N-no… Benrey would always talk about you.” Gordon felt that same twisting warmth in his chest from before.</p><p>“He- they did..? I thought-”</p><p>“God, they never shut up about you!” They suddenly yelled, face growing red. “They always pestered me about you, they kept asking about mom, a-and what you were like before the Resonance Cascade… it grew old <em> fast </em>.” Gordon gave a deep sigh.</p><p>“That’s definitely Benrey, alright…” He gently put a hand to Josh’s shoulder, to which they leaned into the touch.</p><p>“I don’t know how anyone can stand him.” They grumbled. Gordon laughed and nodded, excitedly gesturing with his other hand.</p><p>“Finally, someone gets it!” He said/laughed, making Josh laugh, too.</p><p>“I take it you don’t care for ‘m?” Gordon shook his head a little, smile faltering as he thought.</p><p>“Benrey… He did a <em> lot </em> to me. Got my arm hacked off, became a huge monster and tried to kill me. I have… He… They’re a puzzle…” Gordon sighed. He thought he was over most of this, and to be frank, he was. He figured it didn’t hurt to be a <em> little </em> salty.</p><p>“They did say something about that. Your arm…” Josh looked over to the HEV suit, at Gordon’s hand. “Can I ask what happened..? Nobody gives me a straight answer.” They looked deep into his eyes, pleading and like a puppy’s. Gordon quickly relented. </p><p>“I was betrayed by Bubby and Benrey. They led me into a room, turned out the lights, then military men came and… beat me within an inch of my life. Then they sawed off my arm with something.” Gordon shivered, his scar pulsating at the memory.</p><p>“... That’s not what they told me.” Josh had thunder in their face as they leaned more against their father. “They said so many different stories, it was hard to tell if <em> any </em> of them knew the truth.” </p><p>“... Sounds like them.” </p><p>“... Benrey said he ate your hand once.”</p><p><b>“HE WHAT?!” </b>Gordon pulled back a little, smiling despite his tone. Josh laughed. </p><p>“I know! I couldn’t believe it either.” Josh laughed. “Dr. Coomer said she’d wanted to have it so he tried to wrestle it out of Benrey’s jaw like a dog.” That made Gordon laugh, wheezing and loud. Josh laughed alongside him.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Josh eventually left to go do help with dinner, called upon by Eli. Gordon was free to wander around the rooms as it was being prepped. The sun was already far gone as Gordon saw a slightly ajar door. It wasn’t open before, as Gordon had already passed this hallway before. There was a nametag on the door, but it was covered up by a sticker for Heavenly Sword, the rest of the door adorned with gaming stickers and posters. Must be Benrey’s room, then. Gordon pushed open the door slowly and peered inside.</p><p>It was rather cluttered, with dirty clothes on the ground and a messy bed, and Benrey wasn’t inside but must’ve been recently. Soda and monster cans littered the floor, a TV and beanbag set up on the wall facing the window, still warm. Benrey would be blinded during the day if they sat there, Gordon thought. There were a lot of posters on the wall, all gaming or Hatsune Miku themed. Gordon was confused about how these things survived, but he wasn’t about to go and ask. Nobody needed to know about his Miku Binder.</p><p>Gordon’s foot hit an object that brought him out of his mind. It was a dark blue book, not very thick and with a paper cover. It was carelessly shoved under the beanbag chair. The covers were bland, nothing on the frontside or back. He thumbed through the pages and found crisp, neatly written blue pen adorning the pages, spaced out in regular intervals. There were even the occasional drawings of people. Gordon didn’t look too far into it, not bothering to read the words, anxiety was breathing on his neck like radiation used to. He quickly beelined to his room, weird book in toe.</p><p>Gordon swiftly went to the closet as soon as he was in his room. It was starting to become a small refuge for him. A nice, closed space, free from random surprise attacks from all directions. Gordon looked at the book in his hands. It was a diary- Benrey’s Diary. Gordon didn’t even think Benrey was one to have a thing like this. He opened it to the first page and began to read what his best enemy wrote.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>It had to have been only 20 minutes until Gordon read it, cover to cover. Gordon closed the diary’s cover with a deep, silent sigh.</p><p>“Fuck, man… I can’t believe he… he really held out hope for me, huh…” Something in his heart twisted, and he frowned. Benrey couldn’t feel the way Gordon did about him… could he? He traced the lines of the cover with a gloved fingertip. Even after all this time, the playful flirting seemed more serious in retrospect. </p><p>“Knock knock Gordie, it’s din-din.” Came a voice from the door. Gordon jumped, heart racing at the voice he loved hated to hear. He peeked his head out from the folding closet door.</p><p>“O-oh, um, Benrey…” Gordon stood, the diary clasped in his hands. “I-I’m sorry, I found this and didn’t realize it was personal…” He held it out to the guard, nervous. Benrey placed their hand on the book, gently, and pushed it back to Gordon.</p><p>“Oh, it’s chill bro. You were like, afk for 20 years. It’s like the chat logs, y’can read it anytime you want.” Benrey gave Gordon a small smile. The odd flippy-twist came back, tenfold. “But it’s food time, not reading time. Kleiner made your favorite, or uh, an approximation. Chicken permission is hard to make without chickens.” Chicken Parmesan <em> was </em> his favorite… But how did <em> Benrey </em> know?</p><p>Gordon released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “A-alright, thanks man. Let’s go before Bubby eats it all.” He set the diary down on his bed before following Benrey to the stairs. </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Everyone was at the table, helping place the food or set plates. Gordon felt a little out of place, and could already feel the dull drumming of anxiety beat in his chest. <em> So many people, all in one place. The last time he saw this many people had to have been… in the Locker Room… Right before- </em></p><p>“M-Mister Freeman? You’re shaking worse than a leaf in a storm…” Tommy said, cautiously putting a hand on his shoulder. “You okay..?” Gordon took a deep breath, holding it, before answering.</p><p>“I-It’s a little overwhelming, to be honest… Not used to so many people in one place…” He frowned. Tommy hummed in worry, gently rubbing circles with his thumb. </p><p>“I get it, Mr. Freeman. D’you wanna eat in the common room?” God, Tommy was too nice.</p><p>“Yeah, I- I’d love that.” He said, chest loosening a little. </p><p>“G-good! ‘Cause a new episode of Invitation to Love is coming on tonight, and I- if I missed it I’d be pretty pissed.” Gordon laughed a little, allowing Tommy to guide him to the common room. </p><p>“You know, I started watching that. It’s actually pretty good.” Gordon sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, which was situated in front of the TV. Tommy turned it on and changed the channel before responding. </p><p>“I-I’m so glad you think so, Mr. Freeman! The newest season is wild, isn’t it?” They set the remote down, turning to Gordon with wide, glowing eyes.</p><p>“I don’t know, I’m on season 3.” He frowned. “That’s the farthest I could watch on Pirated!Netflix.”</p><p>“... Mr. Freeman, how the hell did you say “Pirated exclamation-mark Netflix” with a straight face?” Tommy looked a bit baffled. </p><p>“..? I don’t- How- How can you say emoticons out loud?!” Gordon challenged.</p><p>“Oh, very easily, Mr. Freeman (^u^).”</p><p>“... I’m- You… <em> What the fuck…” </em> </p><p>“Tommy, you better get your food before it gets cold.” Bubby suddenly grumbled from the doorway. </p><p>“Oh, of course! Thank you Professor Bubby :).” Tommy said as they ran out of the room.</p><p>“Doctor!” Bubby chased after him. Gordon was left there in amazement as the TV played commercials for things he didn’t give a shit about. Looks like the Honda Summer Sales Event was still a thing. Win for the Straights, Gordon supposed.</p><p>“Yo, you get banned from the mess hall too?” Gordon whipped his head to face Benrey so fast it threw his glasses off of his face and to Benrey’s feet.</p><p>“I- You- um. N-No?” He scooted away a little as Benrey slowly approached, hands outstretched.</p><p>“Damn, that’s tragic. Lamedon Freeman strikes again.” Benrey set Gordon’s glasses on his head before taking a step back. “Everyone has gotten banned at <em> least </em> once. Even Joshua.” They laughed.</p><p>“Bu- what?” Gordon moved his glasses back to his eyes, seeing Benrey out of the security uniform and in a very comfortable set of pants and-</p><p>“Is that my MIT Hoodie??” Gordon grabbed it and pulled Benrey closer, seeing it a little stained and older, but still his hoodie. Had his name embroidered under the MIT and everything.</p><p>“Heh, um. About that, fffffound this at um… Black Mesa. Was um. In the old dorms, we took a lot of people’s shit.”</p><p>“But this has my name on it.”</p><p>“You weren’t using it.” </p><p>“But it’s mine!”</p><p>“Technically it’s Josh’s. I stole it from the laundry room.”</p><p>“OH, so <em> you </em> can steal shit but <em> I </em> <b> <em>CAN’T?”</em> </b> Gordon was practically yelling. Benrey went a little pale (if that was even possible) and audibly swallowed. </p><p>“U-Um. N-new policy, if Gordos Feetman Steals it is legal.” Benrey gave him an unsure smile. Gordon felt that twisty dumb-love-worm in his chest and felt his face getting a tad bit warmer. He lovingly looked glared at Benrey, noticing their beanie.</p><p>“... Give me this.” Gordon swiped it, leaving the ex-guard-but-now-also-still-a-guard with frizzy hair, and put it on. “There. Even.”</p><p>“... bro that’s kinda gross.” Benrey said, face redder than Gordon had ever seen it. “What if I had, like, fucked up Xen lice.”</p><p>“I doubt lice could live in <em> your </em> hair, Benrey. I doubt anything could live in that grease trap.” Gordon teased.</p><p>“Buh-! Bro, I took a shower this morning!” Benrey exaggeratedly frowned, eyes growing wide and misty. “Hurts my feelies, man.”</p><p>“I- Excuse me, your <em> what?!” </em> Gordon laughed, loud. “I haven't heard anyone say feelies unironically in AGES, haha!” He slapped the knee of his HEV suit, Benrey chuckling too. </p><p>“Aww, man really? I use feelies liek, all da time o-O.”</p><p>“OH MY <b> <em>GOD</em> </b> ! How are you and Tommy <em> doing </em> that?!”</p><p>“It- You’re still caught up on the emoticon thing, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy announced his presence, laughing. He set three plates down, sitting on Gordon’s left. </p><p>“It’s so weird! Like, normal humans shouldn’t be able to do that!” Gordon exasperatedly gestured, eyes locked with Tommy’s.</p><p>“It’s okay, Mr. Freeman :3c, I’m not human :D!” Tommy placed both his hands under his chin, cocking his head to the side. Cute.</p><p>“W- wait since when?!”</p><p>“Since I was born!” Tommy picked up his fork and offered one to Gordon. “B-But nobody in the science team is a human, so it’s okay.”</p><p>“<em> I’M </em> A HUMAN!” Gordon clutched his fork tightly, hearing it groan in his metal fist.</p><p>“Joshua actually said you and him are, um, human-adjacent?” Gordon faltered. “Not quite human, but not quite anything else. I think he said you’re like a ‘Reflection In Your Mirror’! O-or was it ‘Something In Your Dreams’?” Tommy hummed in thought as Benrey noisily chewed and slurped pasta behind Gordon. </p><p>“... I have no idea what you’re talking about.” His head hurt. He wasn’t supposed to think about that.</p><p>The loud intro to ‘Invitation To Love’ broke everyone out of their thoughts. “Oh no, I forgot to give you a summary of what’s been happening, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy quickly went on a long winded explanation, Gordon dutifully following along.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Bedtime for the Science Team. Gordon was curled in the closet, wrapped in the thin blanket from his bed and a weighted one from Tommy. He clutched the dark grey beanie he stole from Benrey close to his face. He was shaking. He could hear the distant cries of Peeper Puppies and Bullsquids, each noise making him flinch and cower deeper into the nest he made. He fell asleep with his face buried in beanie and blanket alike.</p><p>Gordon opened his eyes to a busy and crowded street. He was seated at a cafe, one whose name was a mess of scribbles and glyphs. Somehow Gordon knew what it said. There was a figure slumped over across from him on the outdoor patio table. It looked like…</p><p>“Blugh- fuck.” Benrey lifted his head, a heavily tired expression on their face and red in their eyes.</p><p>“Benrey?” Gordon reached over and put a hand on theirs. </p><p>“Guh.. Oh, hey Gordon.” they sounded exhausted. “I was expectin’ nobody to be here.”</p><p>“You- what? Where are we?” Gordon looked around, seeing the people on the street were blurry, like low-poly ps1 models.</p><p>“This is where I go after I have nightmares.” He yawned, and by god, did Benrey look fresh from a nightmare.</p><p>“... So we’re dreaming?” Gordon felt a little pull at the back of his mind, tugging at something behind his eyes. It told him to wake up.</p><p>“Yeah. Things like you an’ me can do that. I walk in nightmares, you walk in dreams, I guess.” That tug became harder, but he felt like something was about to break. It felt like breaching water.</p><p>“... But I-I’m supposed to be a human!” Gordon made a fist with his right hand, left still over Benrey’s. </p><p>“You’re just like me, Gordon. I wasn’t kidding when I said we used to be friends.” Benrey’s expression grew grim, and they looked over to the street. Gordon turned, stiffly, and saw what almost looked like a movie projector. </p><p>“You and I are from Xen.” Two small and fuzzy cat-like creatures with thin legs and long fuzzy tails appeared on screen. One was black and one was white. “You were my best friend.” The two aliens played with each other in the sands and mud of Xen, shoving one another into the ground facefirst. They took turns doing that. “We would come out at night, when all the creatures slept, and ate their dreams.” The figures were shown eating the cartoonish thought clouds of the inhabitants of Xen, from headcrabs to Vortigaunts. “I ate their nightmares because you thought they were too bitter.” Gordon’s lips twitched, a small laugh escaping him. He felt like he should remember this. So… why didn’t he? The water felt impossible to break.</p><p>“One day, a portal was opened.” The two figures, who were playing in the dirt, were stopped by a glowing orange-and-green portal, one Gordon recognized from Black Mesa. “You were stolen by a scientist.” The movie showed someone emerging from the portal in an old design of the HEV suit, the white cat-alien thing approaching it, only to be snared in a thick net. “I followed and tried to save you, but I got captured myself.” The HEV suit returned to the portal, the black cat-alien following, sadness and anger on their tiny face.</p><p>“You went willingly..?” Gordon asked, face falling into a sad frown.</p><p>“Yeah. I wanted to save you, Gord. You were my best friend!” Benrey squeezed Gordon’s hand gently. Gordon watched the movie in stunned sadness. </p><p>“... They did something to you, but I don’t know what until we met in  Black Mesa. I was experimented on and eventually gained freedom.” The two figures were separated and it only showed the black cat-alien. “I copied how humans looked quickly. They thought I was actually just lost, and set me up in a foster home with Barney.” The movie showed Benrey shifting from the cat-alien and into what he looks now, just younger. They looked almost exactly like Barney.</p><p>The surface was breached. Memories of being a scared little kit, held in a weird mesh container. Gordon copied the looks of an older scientist before another person entered the room. A boy- John- found him and pleaded with his father to let him out. He was allowed to stay with the Freemans, officially being adopted into their home. Memories of Xen, eating the sweet dreams of beasts with his best friend- It was all a rush. </p><p>Gordon distantly felt the tears as they fell off his face. </p><p>“... You weren’t lying?” He numbly asked, blinking. Turning to Benrey, the alien shook their head.</p><p>“I don’t like lying.” He looked at Gordon’s right hand. “Lying only gets people I love hurt.” Gordon sniffled. </p><p>“So… so what do I do now..?” Benrey smiled. </p><p>“You gotta wake up. I can help you, just like old times.” Gordon nodded. Just like old times.</p><p> </p><p>He woke to the HEV suit’s voice.</p><p>“Thank you for using the H.E.V Mark IV. Have a <em> very </em> safe day.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon learns, Benrey yearns, and nobody in the community is human.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>finally i actually finish a story! i hope yall like this one,,, gay rights,,<br/>i'm also gonna be editing the other chapters to make them look nicer &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benrey could barely contain his smile as they woke up. Gordon had remembered! He remembered Xen, Benrey, and… well, <em> everything! </em> He had to go help out his bestest buddy, so he practically threw himself out of bed, racing down the hall to Gordon’s room. </p><p>The HEV suit broke the silence as they stepped into Gordon’s room. Gordon was in the closet, apparently. Benrey laughed inwardly, <em> Gordon definitely was in the closet in more ways than one. </em> Benrey opened the folding door to see Gordon cuddled up in a weighted blanket, face shoved into their favorite beanie. Cute. </p><p>“G’ mornin’, Gordie. Ready to speedrun this reunion?” Benrey asked as they helped Gordon stand. He nodded.</p><p>“Y-yeah. But- um. I can’t remember how to shapeshift.” He shyly grinned. Benrey shrugged. </p><p>“Not that good at explainin’, but y’ might wanna get outta the hee vah suit.”</p><p>“It- it’s pronounced H.E.V suit!” </p><p>“Heeb swoot.” Benrey smiled as Gordon huffed, walking over to the H.E.V Suit pod and taking it off. Benrey politely looked away as he did, not sure if he was wearing anything under it. </p><p>“So,” Gordon moved to the dresser, “how do I transform? Like- is it just a mind-over-matter thing, or do I like, god, do I gotta watch you do it first?” Benrey shrugged, looking over his shoulder. Gordon was fully dressed, arms crossed. Benrey saw his hand, and couldn’t help the words tumbling from their mouth.</p><p>“Oh yo, your arm grew back!” They stiffened, bracing for him to start yelling. All they got was a laugh, though.</p><p>“I-it didn’t grow back. This is a prosthetic.” Benrey frowned, untensing. They wrinkled their eyebrows in confusion.</p><p>“A what?” Now was Gordon’s turn to look confused.</p><p>“Like, uh, Dr. Coomer’s extendo arms!” He smiled, snapping his robot fingers. Benrey nodded.</p><p>“Oohhh I see.” They smiled. “That’s pretty cool. POTG worthy.” Gordon chuckled a little, shaking his head. </p><p>“Yeah- but… I still don’t know how to shapeshift.” Benrey nodded.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Shiiit. I’ll just, uhh, do it and you can try afterrrr..?” Gordon nodded, so Benrey took a deep breath, letting his atoms revert to a natural state, flexing and bending and warming up. When he opened his eyes again, Gordon was taller, and Benrey was on all fours. “Like that.” he said, vocal cords now exclusively speaking in sweet voice. The light drifted up and faded quickly. </p><p>“... You look cute.” Benrey perked up, his tail wagging behind him. “Like a shitty little dog.” Benrey huffed. “Kidding!” Benrey stretched their limbs out, feeling the sensation of their claws flexing. Damn, they missed that. “... So… how do I…” Gordon trailed off, a concentrated look on his face. He took a deep breath, eyes closing, and he started shifting. Benrey sat, tail thumping hard against the ground as they watched Gordon’s atoms rearrange and glow hot white. When the glowing faded, Gordon was in his old form, a massive white dog-cat-Fizzgig. The two were now about the size of Sunkist, so like the size of a mini horse. Gordon looked down at his paws, seemingly startled. His right hand was still a prosthetic, but it looked like his other paws. Benrey smiled at him, head tilted like a puppy. </p><p>“Benrey, this is-” Gordon’s silent sweet voice caught him off guard, hackles lifting. Both parties could read the message loud and clear, it was like sign language but with funny lights and you don't have opposable thumbs.</p><p>“Niiiice.” Benrey stood, walking over to Gordon and nudging their face against his chest. Gordon purred, then puffed back up. “Damn you keep spookin’ yerself.” </p><p>“Well- yeah! This is all fucking, like, new to me!” Gordon pawed at the ground, tail twitching frantically.</p><p>“Well, if we go out an’ eat, you’ll get used to it!” Benrey walked to the door, pushing it open, Gordon following him. Fuck yeah.</p><hr/><p>
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</p><p>In the hallway, Gordon stopped outside his door. “So, um. Who’re we, like, gonna…” Gordon felt weird about what he was going to ask. “Whose dreams are we gonna eat..?” Benrey looked over their shoulder and smiled, wide, sharp teeth glinting in the dark.</p><p>“I was thinking John’s. He’s got the best dreams, trust me.” Gordon frowned, but nodded.</p><p>“O-oh.” Benrey turned to the right, pushing open John’s door and slipping inside, Gordon following. John was sleeping, snoring loudly. Gordon wondered how he couldn’t hear it from his room. John’s room must be soundproof. </p><p>“Aight,” Benrey started, voice low, “now we eat.” Benrey sat at John’s bedside, waiting for Gordon. Gordon sat, looking at the peaceful face of his brother. Benrey started to sing out a few silent, gently glowing notes of sweet voice, a silky white cream. Those notes hit John’s face but didn’t wake him. They looked to Gordon, nodding for him to do so as well. Gordon hummed, a few shaky notes coming out and popping against John’s face. </p><p>A creamy-white glow came out of John’s mouth with every breath he took. It looked like sweet voice, but more cloud-like. Benrey smiled.</p><p>“Niiiice. That’s his dream. Get to suckin’, big boy.” Gordon frowned at Benrey, but lapped at the glowy cloud. It was sweet, making him think of John and him going off on an adventure, and filled his stomach. He smiled, resting his head on the bed. </p><p>“Good, right?” Benrey asked, eating the rest of John’s dreams. </p><p>“Yeah… Tastes nice.” Gordon felt himself purring again, a strange sensation. John stirred, mumbling something, eyes opening. Benrey didn’t look too worried, though.</p><p>“Yo.” Benrey purred, smiling creepily. John startled but sighed, pushing them away. </p><p>“Gosh, Ben! It’s not even dawn time!” He grumpily mumbled.</p><p>“...” Gordon nudged his face against his brother's cheek, a kiss. </p><p>“Ngh, Ben-” John opened his eyes more, seeing Gordon was the one bothering him, and smiled wide. “Oh- hi! Who are you..?” </p><p>“Bro that’s Gordon.” Benrey sang, though the question if John could read sweet voice was unanswered as the older man swiftly passed the fuck out. “El oh el. Gonna totes tell’m ‘bout this fail gamer move later.” Gordon huffed, eyes rolling, and shoved their shoulder with a paw, getting up and leaving the room. </p><hr/><p> </p><p>And so, they went off, eating most everyone’s dreams. Joshua didn’t dream, and Dr. Coomer and Dr. Bubby were awake when they went to the main common room. If the two old men knew what Benrey and Gordon were up to, they politely didn’t comment.</p><p>That left only one person; Forzen. Forz was rooming in the basement, dead asleep, and snoring worse than John. Forz gave the occasional twitch of the finger, and zen’s face squished up in pain, but forz remained asleep despite it. </p><p>“Wh-when did Forzen get here?” Gordon sniffed at the inhuman-human, smelling gunpowder, burning, and something sickly.</p><p>“Wh- Forzy has always been here. Forz just… doesn’t get out much. Forz likes zen’s privacy, an’ forz really only takes care of fighting baddies, which, uh, hasn’t been needed in like… three years or so.” Benrey shrugged, letting the dream-cream coat Forzen’s face. Gordon joined in, his voice now much more confident.</p><p>The rich cream color came back as a smoking, choking cloud of black. It looked faintly glittery in the dull lighting. Benrey frowned at that, claws unsheathing and tail quickly poofing up.</p><p>“Damn, bros gettin’ a nightmare.” They looked to Gordon, but before they could speak, he was already chowing down.</p><p> </p><p>It tasted bitter and like military food. Gordon saw the Resonance Cascade from the view of a helicopter, men in H.E.C.U uniforms screaming in his ear, voices changed by the filters in their throats or gas masks. He- <em> forz </em> was running down long corridors, feet blistered in zen’s broken military boots. Forz came to a hangar door, quickly shoving them aside and into the holding area. A dog, massive and shining gold, was in a circle of fire, turrets ready to shoot. A man who wore Forzen’s face stood with the trigger, laughing in zen’s voice, but forz knew. Forz’s body was stolen and used as a puppet to hurt the government man’s son, the lost soul now fruitlessly rebelling against the Nihilanth’s chains. It made forz want to vomit. </p><p> </p><p>Gordon didn’t realize he was growling, claws out, and churning out angry red ‘I want you dead’ sweet voice until a hand was petting at his head, scratching behind his ears. He shook his head and looked up at the now-awake Forzen.</p><p>“You okay, Gordie?” Benrey asked from his side. Gordon could only mutely nod. He untangled his claws from the sheets and sheepishly sat back, seeing Benrey was now on the bed where Forzen was before. </p><p>“That was...” Forzen paused, clearing zen’s throat. “You didn’t need to see that, Freem’n.” Gordon frowned. </p><p>“You weren’t the one actually in Black Mesa?” Gordon asked, getting a sad head shake from the frenchman. Forzen sat down on the bed, now that Gordon wasn’t actively trying to destroy it. Benrey gave a weak protest but curled up on forz’s lap anyhow.</p><p>“Non, crazy how a fae could get possessed forzself, hm?” Forzen smirked a little, leaning back and stretching out forz’s arms. Now forz was just showing off, Gordon thought with a huff. Buff Forzen, needs nerf, his brain supplied. </p><p>“You're a faefolk?” </p><p>“Of course! No one in the Black Mesa was or is human. They did not offer or accept jobs from humans. Far too dangerous, oui?” Gordon nodded.</p><p>“But- I-I thought I was human for the longest time! How in the hell did I get a job?” Forzen shrugged zen’s massive shoulders.</p><p>“You’re asking the wrong fucking guy. I’m just an ex-bootboy. They explained the basics at drillcamp.” Gordon gave a weak hum a that. </p><p>“I see…” Gordon then let his mind wander to Kleiner, the Vances, and Barney. They were human, Gordon assumed. Guess he’d have to <em> politely </em> ask over breakfast.</p><p>“Oui, now can y’all fucking leave. It’s not even 2 am.” Forzen growled with no bite. Gordon and Benrey scampered out of the basement like the little racoon knockoffs they were.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gordon found himself bouncing off the walls with the energy the dream eating had given him. Benrey was chilling on Dr. Coomer’s lap as Gordon frantically ran around the room in circles to rid himself of the energy. He was about to start biting people, he had so much in him.</p><p>“Gabe fucking Newell, would you stop running like that!” Bubby finally snapped from Coomer’s side. “You’re making me anxious just watching you!” </p><p>“He’s just doing a gay little run that’s pissing you off, Bubby!” Dr. Coomer jovally said, smiling at her husband. “I think it’s rather cute.” </p><p>“Well he can do a gay little run <em> outside </em> for Valve’s sake.” Bubby grumbled. Gordon was instantly at xier lap, excitedly kneading at xeir leg. </p><p>“Outside? Outside time for Gordon?” He sang, sweet voice hitting Bubby in the face. Xey didn’t seem to mind (or were xey just used to it?) and picked up Gordon by the scruff. Bubby lifted Gordon up single armed and walked him to the front door, a feat which only made Gordon respect Bubby more because Gordon was easily over 100 lbs and the size of a fucking small horse.</p><p>“Yes, now go, fucking, go bother the Vortigaunts or whoever, just stop tearing up the carpet. It’s new.” Benrey was right behind Gordon and took off into the darkness. Gordon was gently set down on his haunches before the door shut behind him. Gordon felt a little shaken, not having stepped foot outside at night! He could see the faint pawprints of Benrey in the morning mud to the left, and before Gordon could realize it, he was seeing everything like it was in full 1080p HD quality. It was colorless, but he could easily see the steps before him, the parking lot and her cars, and a large ‘nad monster, like one he had to fight on Xen before.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>WAIT.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WHAT.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Gordon puffed up big time before he fully took in the sight before him. There was, across the road, a small building. It was decorated like Snoopy’s doghouse from Peanuts, except the name on the front read “Lamarr ‘Hedy’ Kleiner”. Oh. Dr. Kleiner always joked about naming his first pet that. Guess he got himself a pet ‘nad. Gordon cautiously walked to it, mindful of the clicks his right paw made on the asphalt. The thing- no, she appeared to be sleeping, legs twitching ever so slightly. Gordon felt the taste of dream-cream sweet voice on his tongue, and smiled. This is what he would’ve done on Xen, so why not take this opportunity. He laid down a foot or two away from her and purred out his song, the large breaths coming back in the same, lovely color. He ate it all up, tasting loving memories of playing with Benrey (in his more… human attire) and chasing prey, which wasn't humans, thank fuck. Gordon was full before her dreams even began to come to a close, so he left her to snooze and have any <em> other </em> dream eater pick at his leftovers.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The night was dark because of cloud cover, but Gordon wouldn’t have known. He was making his way down a trail in the woods that surrounded the Science Team Hotel, nose firmly following a dream that felt sickly to him. A nightmare, he came to realize. He wanted to rip and tear it and replace it with a good, nice dream. He came to a crest on a hill, seeing a small cottage built by a river. It had an animal pen and a barn, the former empty. Gordon couldn’t smell the sour thought from the barn, only the cottage, so he skirted past it and up to the house. The animal pen had a wooden fence, southern ranch style, blocking off both the front and back doors, so Gordon easily jumped onto the posts and paused. The nightmare was gone, replaced with nothingness. They must’ve woken up. Gordon sat there, still, and wrapped his tail around his paws. Just in case, he thought, they go back to bed and have another. It seemed the person wasn’t going back to bed any time soon, as a man walked out and onto the back deck. He had a coffee mug in hand, and sat on a deck chair, taking sips from it. </p><p>The clouds parted, leaving moonlight to trickle down and glow on Gordon’s star white pelt. Light seemed to reflect off of him tenfold, making him seem like a heavenly glowing monster. The human must’ve seen Gordon- <em> how couldn’t he </em>- and startled, standing quick. His shout sounded familiar, but Gordon didn’t know from where. </p><p>“What the hell is that!?” <em> Oh, it’s Barney! </em> Gordon smiled, making Barney knock his knee on his chair and fall back into it. <em> Clumsy, eh Calhoun? </em></p><p>“Hi!” Gordon stood and walked along the fence more, getting closer. Before Gordon could even get halfway to Barney, the man already fled into the house, coffee abandoned. Gordon paused, then looked around. Barney clearly didn’t want his company, so Gordon took off. </p><p>(Later, at breakfast, when Barney started yelling about a glowing white fox in his backyard, Gordon could barely hide his laughter. Benrey gave him a knowing smile, and Tommy just laughed at Barney’s following conspiracy rant.)</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gordon found himself at a door he hadn’t visited with Benrey. ‘Vance’ read the nameplate. He slunk in, silent and swift. The hotel room was more of a house than a one bed apartment. Gordon could only assume that's because Dr. Eli was married and had a kid. He followed the smell of good dreams to the master bedroom, where two figures lay. They were wrapped around each other in an embrace Gordon would call The ‘I thought you died!’ Bear Hug. Eli and Azian were peaceful in their slumber, and it made Gordon feel that flippy heartache again. He wanted someone to hold like that. But who in the world would want to do that, with <em> him </em> of all people. </p><p>Nobody went through thick and thin with him, nobody who cared enough to sacrifice themself for him, nobody who would teach him how to shapeshift into his real form- </p><p> </p><p>Oh. </p><p> </p><p><em> Oh </em> <b> <em>no.</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He really had it bad for Benrey, huh? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gordon ran from the room as soon as he could. He had a thing or two to process.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>A few weeks went by with little to no fanfare. Gordon seemingly settled in nicely, but him and Benrey hadn’t done a night run together in that time. They knew he wasn’t avoiding them because of what happened in Black Mesa, despite what Benrey’s nagging inner thoughts told them. Gordon got assigned to work with John and Josh, who did runs to other towns and got supplies or other needed things. </p><p> </p><p>Benrey was working with the Peeper Puppies, which were housed at Barney’s Barn. <em> Haha, good one. </em> They were in the middle of cleaning the stalls when a knock came at the barn door.</p><p>“Hey, u-um, got a second?” <em> Gordon! </em> Benrey gave a (thankfully silent) scream of ‘red-orange-yellow, I’m happy to see you, fellow’ sweet voice.  </p><p>“Yeah hold on-” Benrey put down a fresh bed of Xen Moss <em> (Xoss? Men? Lol men haha.) </em>and ran to Gordon’s side, shoving their work gloves into their overalls’ pockets. “What’s good, nightmare maker?” Gordon frowned and hit their shoulder lightly. </p><p>“Okay- that was one time, Ben!” He laughed, “but that’s not what I want to talk about. C-can you um… can you come with me for a second..? I want to show you something.” <em> Oh ho? </em> Gordon was fidgeting with his hands, and flushed a little. But it was also like 104º F outside, so they didn’t think much of it.</p><p>“Uh, hell yeah? I’m always lookin’ for an excuse not to work!” He said, eagerly going back into the cottage, removed all their garb, and swiftly returned to Gordon’s side, decked out in the MIT hoodie he stole and lounge pants. </p><p>“God- you’re…” Gordon just chuckled, hand to his face. <em> “You’re the best…” </em> He muttered into his palm, probably not realizing that they could still hear him. </p><p>“Nah man, <em> you’re </em> the best. Best at being a chicken hat, el oh el!” Benrey deflected, face warm despite their words. Gordon shoved their shoulder playfully, starting the journey back to the Hotel. </p><p>
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</p><p>Gordon showed Benrey to his room, the ex-scientist getting more and more nervous as they approached. Benrey was a little worried, but didn’t say anything. Gordon paused outside the door of his room, hand on handle. Benrey waited as he took in deep, calming breaths. </p><p>“S-so, Ben, I wanted- I-I know it’ll sound f-fucking-” Gordon shook his head. “I have a question for you.”</p><p>“Oh? We playin’ 20 questions? Two truths one lie?” They perked up, loving to play games. Gordon shook his head, making those lovely brown locks frame his face in a new, hot way. He laughed.</p><p>“N-not exactly. I wanted to ask you i-if, uh…” He trailed off, taking a breath of courage and opening the door. Benrey’s eyes wided, taking in the sight of Gordon’s bedroom arranged in a way they could only describe as <em> peak Xen romance. </em> </p><p>The bed had been pushed to the center of the room, like in Benrey’s room, though the sheets were made and had a bunch of gamer sheets and pillows on top. Fairy light-like sweet voice<em> (pink to blue!) </em> adorned the walls, and there were several candles adding to the light. In the middle of the bed was a nest of more game-themed blankets, plushies, and on the nightstands were several full cans of Mountain Dew and Monster, along with fancy wine glasses. Benrey felt Gordon take their hand into his, leading them into the room. They were speechless, a hand to their mouth. <em> A proposal.  </em></p><p>“I-I realized that I’ve had feelings for you, f-for a long time.” He started, sitting in the nest, Benrey sitting right next to him. “E-even during the whole… Black Mesa incident.” Benrey felt their fingertips go staticy, a heavy weight on their tongue- <em> guilt. </em> “While you did some fucked up shit,” Gordon slipped his human hand into Benrey’s, “I did so as well. I see that you’re doing a lot better than when we were back there, and with my memories back from before Xen, I can see that you’re not evil. Never were.” Benrey felt their eyes go misty, pupils widening fast. </p><p><em> “G-Gordon…” </em> Benrey whispered, white that’s silty means ‘I’m feeling guilty’ sweet voice escaping with their words. </p><p>“Benrey, I love you.” Gordon put his other hand to their cheek, wiping away their tears. “I want to ask you to be my boyfriend.” Benrey couldn’t have nodded faster even if they had multiple heads.</p><p>“YES! Yes?? Yes oh my god?? I-I love you too, Feetman-” Benrey cut themself off but Gordon shook his head.</p><p>“I’m your Feetman, I guess.” He gave a kiss to Benrey’s forehead.</p><p>“K-Kiss? You missed…” Benrey tapped their index fingers together, getting a loving eye roll from his boyfriend<b> <em> (!!!!)</em> </b>. Gordon leaned down and planted a kiss on Benrey’s mouth, bringing them into a hug. When they parted they both panted out red to blue, ‘I’ve fallen deep for you’ sweet voice. </p><p>“I love you, Benny.”</p><p>“I love you, Feetman!” Benrey squeezed Gordon tighter, purrs coming from the taller man.</p><p> </p><p>Benrey woke the next morning in Gordon’s bed. They were tangled deep in the massive amounts of gamer paraphernalia, but they didn’t mind. They cuddled closer to Gordon, who was deep in a dream. Distantly, a brain cell hit the corner of Benrey’s mind. How was Joshua going to react to Benrey dating his dad? That was a problem for Future Benrey, though. Benrey buried his nose into Gordon’s hair and closed their eyes, thinking about how they would write about this in their diary.</p>
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